Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
