you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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