We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
