Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
