I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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