You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
