what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
