Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
