You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
