If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
