I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
