Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
