last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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