:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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