Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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