How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
