I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
