Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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