Redeem this text for a blowjob
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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