It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
