Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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