That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize