when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
