so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
