Swine flu. Run for my life!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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