Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
