btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
