hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
