Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
