I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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