just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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