i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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