I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
