just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
