Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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