I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
