i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
