i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
