i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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