What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
