Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
