I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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