Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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