Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
