Ambien. No doubt about it.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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