Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
