i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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