watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
