A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
