Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
