is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
