I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
