We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
