the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
