no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
