dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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