fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
