We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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