Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
