So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
