I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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