Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
