i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
