we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
