I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
