Tell her she can't have a vagina
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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