This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
