You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
