here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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