Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
