True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize