you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
