So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize