what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
